When you feel your heart leaving the game

You may have had those times.  Something about the hobby just isn't giving you the same excitement as it once did.  It becomes a little harder to get excited.  Don't have the same bounce in your step or light in your eye.  Somethings missing and you're desperately looking for it before giving up.

JJ typing, won't lie.  The loses with my Purifier army has really soured my mood.

As I told a group of buddies several months ago "If someone new to the game thinks they can just buy an army and win, they are very naive."  Never thought there was an auto-win button with Grey Knights.  It seemed when I was playing against them it was easier to win with Grey Knights.  Then again I was facing a different list.  My Purifier list has been an absolute bear to learn.

The list has lead me to 1 win and 10 losses.  Have to say it is the hardest list I've ever played.  After my tenth loss I felt really bummed.  First thought was to give up on the current army and put other models in.  Something I don't want to do til at least 5 wins.  Figure by that that time I would have a great idea of what the list can do.

One crazy thought, after my 10th loss, I had was selling my Purifier list and board on ebay for 2 grand.  Nah.  Don't want to be one of those players that sells an army and say that they once had it.  Then perhaps buy it again.  Terrible waste of resources.

During the game I was talking about the amount of fun I was having with Connor and it was hard for me to think about my tactics.  Then I mentioned perhaps pulling my Necrons out again for a win.  40k buddy Joe x asked "Why would you change to another army after you figured out the other army [Necrons]?"  Regardless of the amount of losses, must continue playing the list.  Eventually I'll try a different tactic.  Which maybe exactly what I need.  Connor mentioned that I should use my Necrons while he uses my Purifiers so I can see from the other side of the board the short comings of my list.  Joe x said it really helps.  While the losses have become disheartening and has pulled a lot of joy from the game.  There has been another side to the coin.  I've learned a lot about myself and Grey Knights.  Slowly learning the tricks of the army has lead to closer and closer games.  While I've experienced losses with every army I've played.  For some reason it has been more difficult with Grey Knights compared to other armies.

Regardless of the losses I need to keep my chin up.  The rest of that evening joy was hard to find.  Unable to shake the losses I found myself feeling sorry for the results of the games.  I didn't even type up the BatRep the same night.  In fact went to bed early.  Last thought that went through my head 'this must be what depression feels like.'

An olde friend of mine once said "A nights sleep is the quickest journey between despair and hope."  Found myself refreshed, surprisingly so, and ready to take on the world.  More appropriately ready for the next battle with my Purifiers.  Perhaps I need to change my perception, refocus my thoughts.  Not focus on the number of losses, instead frame the past as a great and pleasant learning experience.  Then I may let go of those games and move forward onto success.

List's don't win.  General's do.  This list has taught me that my "General's bag of tricks" is sorely lacking.  Perhaps force myself into deploying only one side or be extremely aggressive over the next couple of games to step outside the box I've been working in with my Grey Knight.  Basically change how I've been using my Purifiers.


slainte mhath