Friday, June 7, 2013

Happiness and this moment

Instead of my usual posts would like to make one about happiness.  This one has been bouncing around in my head for almost a week.  Enjoy.

JJ typing,

During the past several years I’ve been attempting to maneuver life with less stress and drama.  Cutting down on the BS, getting to the point and generally trying to dial down my reaction to anything that may lead to unbecoming behaviour.  Sometimes I’m successful, other times not.

Something I’ve learned is that I know less now than I did a year ago.  If I’m lucky I’ll know half as much as I do today a year from now.  In not so many words: Let go.

This leads me to happiness.  In the same vein who am I to get on anyone’s case for what makes them happy.  If someone enjoys driving slowly in the fast lane I need to understand that the source of my frustration comes from within me.  The slow driver is not adhering to the way I think the world, specifically traffic, should behave.  That is a thinking error.  That is my problem.  Not theirs.  One I struggle with, traffic, daily.  I endeavour to make myself a better person and not become a rage-a-holic behind the wheel.  So far I’ve been unsuccessful.

Sometime ago there was a player in our Fri night game that truly tested my happiness and fortunately it was found wanting.  I flipped off at the player and left the game early that night.  Sent him an email later informing him that it was wrong of me to behave that way and that I was attempting to change the way I behave at RPG’s because of a previous roommate.  In the end I thanked him for testing my patience because it taught me that I am not "Just Be" as I thought.  After that I accepted the moment and the player and had a far more enjoyable time at the table.  Never flipped off at him again.

Onto happiness.  Happiness comes from understanding where you are now and being comfortable in that moment.  Confusion and potentially frustration comes from not being aware of your surroundings and wanting them to be different than what they are.  Be in the moment.  Don’t lose yourself in the past or project yourself to a future moment.  Be here.

Where is all this coming from?  Reason for this post is recently a buddy told me to not blog as much and go out do things.  Specifically “There are other things to do in the world than blog.”

When I first heard this I had a terribly poor reaction.  Which I did not exercise.  I breathed.  I could’ve gone off about the last weeks, two (correction three) weeks ago, events which did not allow me to get to the murder table.  It wouldn’t have done any good.  Even if he was listening to me tell him that not 15 mins earlier.  Instead I asked him to put himself in this moment, when he told me there’s more to life than blogging, when someone tells him something he does isn’t cool or fun.  I asked him to remember what he said to me when someone is stepping on his happiness.

I talk a lot about doing nothing but modeling and painting all weekend to many of the people I see throughout the week.  It is a passion of mine.  Which I’m striving for it to become my profession.  Unfortunately, for the murder table, I am quite active.  Depending on the week I’m out of the apartment anywhere from 3 to 5 nights of the week.  I have my set groups of people and events.  Drinkfest Wed night.  Gaming Fri.  Mon Ingress.  Nevermind the becoming more frequent games of 40k.  These things promote me being out of the apartment and interacting with other people.  Which I Love doing.  However it takes me away from the table.  We need balance in life to understand when we are happy.  Balance can be difficult to achieve.

Years ago I played Everquest, Tarew Marr server in case your wondering.  Was a few years out of high school and immersed myself in the game.  Would play 18+ hrs a day.  Longest session was 43 hours.  One promise I made to myself was to never choose the game over real life.  While a buddy at time, Rob, would sit on my bed for an hour and half while I did “one last thing” I never said no to hanging out with others instead of playing EQ.

The point of this post is to find happiness in what you do.  It doesn’t matter what makes you happy, as long it doesn’t involve hurting someone maliciously.  If you want to be the banana king at your home and it doesn’t hurt others.  Go with your bad self.  And, for the love of Ynnead.  Don’t get on anyone’s case for what makes them happy.  Yes that means if they don’t paint their models and that makes them happy.  Don’t harsh their mellow or as CONvergence signs says “Don’t harsh the squee.”  While Zab and I both have an issue with unpainted models on the table I’m sure it’s ok that I speak for both of us.  We won’t ruin other players fun for having unpainted models.

Thanks for the being the sympathic/empathic reader allowing me to express these thoughts and let go of that olde moment and be in this moment.

slainte mhath


  1. Good for you!
    I'll always raise an eyebrow at an unpainted army, but I'll never walk away. Some people just love to play and some just love to paint. There is room for everyone in this hobby. I am slowly getting rid of all my gaming stuff. I just don't have as much time any more and since I have to choose between paint or play? I choose paint. I'm sure I'll return to the gaming tables some day though :) Nice post!

    1. Thanks, Zab. I'm happy you've stuck with the painting side of the hobby. It has certainly helped me at the murder table.

      Say if you happen to have any second or third ed codex I'll reluctantly take on the burden of purchasing the ones I don't have from you.

  2. @ JJ

    I know exactly what you mean ... but you are already further down the road to happiness than I am. Your post .. hmm how should I put it, inspired ? or rather revealed something to me. Thank you for that!

    I tend to take too many things to heart and end up being frustrated or furious.

    And perhaps you have some advice for me .. how can I deal with "that guy" without flipping off ? :)

    1. Thank you, Shadowcl4w. I'm glad you found something in this post that was helpful.

      Here's my advice to handle "that guy" without flipping off. This is actually something I practice.

      Using your example instead of something you'd have to relate to.

      When someone is being "that guy" to me at the table I look at him and remind myself I was once "that guy" and immediately understand why I was "that guy." Once I tap into that former self I am able to 'vibrate' at the same intensity as him and it allows me to immediately to empathize with the person he is being and feel humbled for how poorly I reacted so long ago. Now you may have never been "that guy " at 40k. I'm willing to wager you've been "that guy" about something. Why? Well psychology tells us the thing we dislike most about others is what we hate about ourselves.

      Put another way. Perhaps far more sobering than a lot of us want to admit. Especially me. When I see someone flipping off I often ask myself 'Do you look this ridiculous and stupid as this he does?' I never like the answer. It is usually yes. If you're braver than I am you'll ask the next question 'Do I want others to see me that way?'

  3. thanks JJ :) really appreciated

    1. Also remember that we play games to have fun. If for whatever reason you aren't having fun then you need to change something. Most people tend to just quit for some made up reason to excuse themselves. Another option would be to explain nicely to the group/person that you aren't having that much fun and you would like to do something different about how you are playing.

      If it's mostly about someone that you just can't have fun playing against in 40K then just don't play them (as another option).


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